Terrible Twitter

If you don't know how Twitter works, watching the above will be helpful before reading my impassioned prose/rant.

Twitter is creepy and although I have no affiliation with Facebook, other than that I use it and the creator and I went to the same high school, I find statements saying “Facebook status updates are analogous to tweets,” (really people… “tweets”?!) a little offensive. I mean it’s true, they are quite similar…but there’s so much to Facebook, whereas Twitter is simply CREEPY.

As a networking tool, Facebook kills. It allows you to share all manner of videos, pictures, articles, rants, links, games, etc. with people across the globe. It enables you to keep in better touch and maintain connections with people you do not interact with daily as well as the people you do. While you certainly have the option of updating your current status, keeping people informed about what their friends, family, co-workers, associates, cyber acquaintances, neighbors, and grocers are doing is NOT Facebook’s only reason for existence.

In my experience, most status updates aren't even necessarily indications of what a person is doing at any given time. More often than not, they are song lyrics, pithy quotes, links to YouTube videos, gibberish, or blank. And even if Mrs. Fields DOES write in her status box that she’s baking warm and nourishing homemade cookies and she actually IS baking warm and nourishing homemade cookies, Facebook is a good way to stay connected; Twitter is a stalker’s dream.

All Twitter does is provide a forum for you to update your every move and the ability for people to be kept abreast of what those moves are. Why, might I ask, does that information need to be readily available? Must people know that:

at 8:37am you ate wheaties for breakfast
at 9:12am you are back in bed despite your goal of going for a morning run
at 11:30am you've decided to start your day and are in the shower
at 1:29pm you're en route to your local bookstore to find art history books
at 1:58pm you've abandoned your search and are going to peruse amazon.com instead (better prices)
at 2:14pm you stopped in Duane Reade to buy sprite
at 2:46pm you had an awkward encounter with your ex and are now crying unabashedly on a street corner while updating your status and ruminating over a love lost
at 2:53pm you're on your way back to Duane Reade, because now you need ice cream to soothe your mental anguish
at 2:59pm you are contemplating moving to Vermont because Duane Reade has no ice cream and the Ben and Jerry's headquarters is some where in New England...you believe Vermont but maybe it's Maine....yeah...maybe you're moving to main or why not Alaska? It’s cold there.

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

First off, why does anyone think that anyone really cares to know all of this information? And if they do care to know, why do they care to know? And why do you want them to know? Is your life any less fulfilling if people aren't interested in knowing what's going on in it at every turn? I think not. The only practical purpose Twitter could serve is if you’re interrogated by the police and can’t remember what you were doing on Friday, January 9th at 7:09pm, (debating whether or not to have brussel sprouts or cabbage with my fried whiting) you can just consult twitter…your handy e-alibi. I guess it’s not really an alibi so much as a log that will refresh your memory in the event that you do actually have an alibi, but you get my drift.
Twitter- I don’t like it.

Below are hilarious videos that illustrate perfectly why Twitter is a problem!
Watch them in succession.

Ignoramus

1.) "Everybody and their mama are trying to get out of Africa."

Reverend Jesse Lee Peterson is of the opinion that because Africa is plagued by various conflicts, people are trying to leave en masse. People may very well flee Africa for a life of greater mobility/stability. But what is the root of the conflicts that leave their nations war torn and in abject poverty? A large part of the difficulties facing African nations can be traced back to colonialism. Colonizers educated Africans with basic skills that benefited the colonizers and did not afford Africans the chance to develop their intellect or skills that would be useful in building and maintaing their own communities, independent of colonial influence. In addition to being poorly educated, demoralized and debased, colonizers divided Africa amongst themselves and paid no attention to language, cultural boundaries, or the religious affiliations of the people whom these arbitrary borders grouped together. They forced people with different beliefs and methods of communication to co-exist under one banner. Bishop Desmond Tutu summed up one of the many tolls of colonialism when he said:

"When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said,“Let us pray.” We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land."


2.) "The white man came and brought us to the greatest country in the world."

Reverend Jesse Lee Peterson is thankful slavery bought blacks to a nation better off than most in Africa. BUT...It wasn't great until slave labor made it so. Should not this "great nation" be thankful for the African labor that tilled the land and bought great wealth and opportunity to its European settlers? Or maybe it should be grateful for the rich cultural influence of slaves and their descendants? Or for the myriad inventions and technological advancements brought into existence by Blacks? The answer is vehemenently YES to all questions posed above!!!


3.) "The ride over was tough...but no worse than riding on a crowded airplane when you're not in first class."

Reverend Jesse Lee Peterson believes that not having adequate space to stretch one's limbs, not having fresh air to breathe or water to drink, being whipped mercilessly, living in immensely hot quarters with an unbearable stench and being exposed to all manner of disease and human rights violations is no worse than dealing with a poor selection of in-flight beverages and the poor attitudes of surly flight attendants.


4.) "Thank God for the Arabs who sold us and the white folks that bought us."


5.) "The pain for freedom was tough...the pain was all for the sake of freedom."


I don't have the strength to adequately address those last two gems but I will leave you with this: The negative effects of slavery on blacks are innumerable and thus greatly overshadow any supposed benefits. Reverend Peterson should think about the toll slavery took on the African continent and the psyche of Blacks both deceased and unborn before making any other abominable comments.

Banana Man

A "homeless" man panhandling holds his hand in front of my face expectantly. With a sad smile and a sorry, I refuse him aid. He continues down the line. This car is full of bad will. Cold stares, humphs, sighs and faces glowing with annoyance greet his requesting hand--devoid, except for a dime and a penny that haughtily refuse to jingle. Maybe if they made a merry little song, we'd be more apt to add more coin to the choir. Off he goes despite previous rebukes...same expectant hand cupped and thrust under more unsympathetic noses. He reaches a man deeply engrossed in eating his banana. It's covered in brown spots and looks less than appetizing but this man is savoring every bite...not even bothering to discard those annoying tendrils, part peel and part fruit, that don't taste like much and have a funky texture and snuggle down to sleep in between your teeth.

I noticed this man earlier, on the panhandler's first sweep. Partially because as a young woman traveling alone on the subway, it is imperative that I am alert and aware of my surroundings, so I was aware that he was of average height, had a healthy build, dressed in dark, slightly dingy clothing, with a hat and hood obscuring a portion of his face. He seemed serene enough but the ultra slight, barely perceptible movement of his lips and sporadic but vigorous darting of his eyes also struck me. This behavior is usually attributed to those who are unwell in mind. But moving lips and eyes are also displayed by those deep in thought, more often than not problem solving thought. Think pursing, biting in an attempt to facilitate focus, nibbling to ease the tension some thoughts arouse, licking. Think side to side, circular motions, scanning. If he was crazy, I was curious and if he was thinking, I was mulling over what he might be pondering. I also noticed him because he was visibly saddened, maybe angered, by the cold responses to the panhandler’s begging. And he looked away from the scene as the panhandler struggled to maintain his balance and a shred of dignity as the train swayed and he made his way to the far end of the subway car.

Some stops later the beggar re-enters the subway car. His palm is as pitifully full as it was on his initial run, and now instead of blaming the lack of coins already present, I blame him. The hand is invasive and aggressive. It is more of a demand for assistance than a quiet plea for anything that can be spared. One person isn’t turned off by it. When the expectant hand is thrust towards Banana Man, he extends one of his bananas. The care with which he selects it and the solemnity with which he proffers it indicates to me that these bananas are all this man has by way of sustenance. It helps me understand the head that lowered and the mouth that sagged when the panhandler was refused aid. I smile at this selflessness…but then my mouth sags as his golden gift is swatted away.

“Nah man, I want cash,” spits the panhandler.